Being shy is not necessarily a bad personality trait. Shy people are often reserved, deep thinkers who make great listeners and friends. However, shyness can become so strong that it hinders people from communicating effectively with others, making them susceptible to being strong-armed into doing things they don’t want to do, being overlooked at work or bullied in relationships with others. It can also mean that they miss out on opportunities available to them because of a failure to be heard. Unfortunately, shyness can be misinterpreted in our culture as a sign of weakness or a lack of self-confidence. Shy people are normally very passive and/or indecisive and this can lead to them being taken advantage of by others.
Some people are extremely shy to the point where they fear social situations, making them unable to cope with even the most basic of daily activities.
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Parental behaviour - if a parent was aggressive, unaffectionate or overly critical, then the child may see others as hostile.
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Humiliating experiences that distort the self image
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Family problems that cause shame.
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Irrational fears
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Indecision
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Insecurity
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Preferring own company
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Lack of self confidence
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Low mood
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Loneliness
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Bach Original Flower Remedies such as Mimulus can help with shyness and fear of social situations, whilst Larch can help with a lack of self confidence. (Always read the label.)
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Show and interest in others. Ask them about themselves, and listen carefully to what they say. People who are good socially make others feel comfortable and interesting.
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Practice saying “I” or “My” less. Sentences beginning with 'I' or “My” are not only a turn-off for the listener, but they also keep the focus of attention on you, which can increase shyness.
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Speak up for yourself. Make it a point to express what you feel or think at least once a day with friends, family or colleagues. Make your own choices, even if it’s as simple as what to eat for dinner.
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Be more pro-active at work. If you have ideas or suggestions and you can’t bring yourself to speak out loud in a meeting, just send an email after the fact rather than not sharing your ideas at all.
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Be kinder to yourself. Your inner critic is much harsher on you than it is on anyone else. Speak kindlier to yourself. Next time you start to self-criticize, think “would I be this critical of a friend in the same circumstances?” The answer is likely to be “no” every time!
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Know your own strengths. Do you write better than you talk? Does your shyness make you more observant or insightful than those who never stop talking? Have you mastered a solitary art, craft, skill, trade, game or hobby? Some of the best writers, artists and philosophers in the world have been introverts. Shyness doesn’t need to mean weakness - so long as you don’t perceive yourself as weak.
UK & Ireland 